She said her name was "party"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
