we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
