Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
