Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
