Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
