But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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