They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
