What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
