"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
