She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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