No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
