nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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