Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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