I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
