I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So many bounce houses so little time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
