Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize