if i can run in heels then i can drive
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
