Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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