Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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