Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
