You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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