Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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