I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
