dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
