I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
