I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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