This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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