He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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