i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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