is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
