I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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