I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
