Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
