i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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