He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
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It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think i got beer on your cat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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