They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
