So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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