There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
