Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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