I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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