You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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