I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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