i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
