we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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