i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
