I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
