My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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