she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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