Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
