to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
