Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
