tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
