She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
