New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
