dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
