when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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