my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
