Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
