do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
