at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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