My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
