when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
zippers are such a cool invention
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
