Non-Jews are for practice
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
