Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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