found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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