Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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