I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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