We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize