Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry about my life...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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