Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
