he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
